No Walls Can Keep Me Protected
by alyseci5
Summary: There were some things that no Mord-Sith should ever know about the Lord Rahl, and the fact that he was a soppy romantic was top of that list.


**Character/Pairing:**Cara POV, Kahlan/Richard

**Warnings/Spoilers:** Set post season 2

**Disclaimer:** Legend of the Seeker (TV) belongs to ABC Disney, not me. No copyright infringement intended.

**Author's Notes:**Originally written for the Legendland 'comment spam' challenge. I asked for prompts, Aithine gave me 'Cara stumbling over Richard and Kahlan making out yet again', which has since been doubled in length.

Silly note: I was in a hurry when I named the text file, and then realised I'd called it 'Cara kissing aithine'. Aithine did not object to this ::g::

Title from Florence and the Machine's _Hurricane Drunk_, which will describe Cara when she realises that Zedd has 'company', too, and that he's even louder than Richard and Kahlan.

This story won a couple of fanfiction awards, which thrilled me no end :)

-o-

In the three days since leaving the Pillars of Creation, Cara had stumbled across Richard and Kahlan making kissy-face no fewer than forty-seven times. She'd started counting, at least once she realised that rolling her eyes didn't even register with either of them and that her more pointed suggestions that they get a room simply flowed off Richard's back unnoticed, although they did sometimes have Kahlan flushing an interesting shade of pink.

She'd have commented on Kahlan's colour further if the way that Kahlan's eyes were shining didn't have her thinking better. The kissing was bad enough; she didn't think she could stand it if Kahlan started gushing about how happy she was now that she and Richard could finally be together, at least not in Cara's general direction.

There were some things that no Mord-Sith should ever know about the Lord Rahl, and the fact that he was a soppy romantic was top of that list.

"Tell me," she said to Zedd, who was the only one with whom she could hold anything approaching a reasonable conversation these days, "when is this going to get any better?" She waved her hand in the direction of Richard and Kahlan, who were lost in each other, as per usual, and completely oblivious to her remarks.

Zedd took a thoughtful bite from his apple, one of the few that Richard had found to bolster their meagre provisions. The D'Harans may not have been following the kind of scorched earth policy they once had now that Darken Rahl was dead, but the lands hadn't yet recovered from his troops' excesses, and with the whole Baneling situation, crops were left rotting in the fields, their owners dead and - with the defeat of the Keeper - turned to dust. All of which meant that they were still subsisting hand to mouth rather than basking in the warmth of a well-earned meal from some grateful villagers.

Not that either Richard or Kahlan seemed to have noticed **that**. She'd thought of mentioning it to Richard, but the idea that he might actually believe that he and Kahlan could subsist solely on their love for each other meant that she lost what little appetite she had, certainly about interrupting their little trysts.

Seriously. If they kept staring into each other's eyes like that, one of them was going to trip and break something. And Cara knew damned well who'd end up doing most of the carrying.

"You have to understand, Cara," said Zedd, thankfully after he'd swallowed his mouthful of apple, "Richard and Kahlan can finally be together. They'll settle down once we reach somewhere where they can..." He trailed off, oddly reticent for Zedd, who saw nothing wrong with frequenting a brothel even at his advanced age (and there were some things Cara wished she could wipe from her memory). "You'll just need to be a bit more patient with them. They'll soon come around to realising that there are other things that need attention rather than just each other."

Cara snorted. Of course they would. Richard and Kahlan were the very definition of 'dutiful' - if they hadn't been, they'd have managed to get over this total infatuation they had with each other by doing something about it years ago.

"Maybe we should just tell them to get on with it," she said, shoving her tinderbox back into her pack. "It's got to be better than watching them make goo-goo eyes at each other."

Zedd snorted; it wasn't until Cara turned her head to look at him that she realised he hadn't choked on his apple so much as on his laughter. His eyes were sparkling with amusement at her, the way that Zedd always seemed to find her funny. She should probably take offence at that, teach him a lesson about insulting Mord-Sith (and these days Richard might actually let her get away with it), but she never got the impression that Zedd was laughing **at**her.

"If you're objecting to them kissing around you," said Zedd once he'd regained his powers of speech, "then I'm sure that you wouldn't want to see anything more!"

Cara huffed, ignoring his mirth. That, at least, would be **interesting**. And there was a lot to be said for 'interesting' when the most excitement she could look forward to from now on was assisting the Seeker in his quest to rescue more farm animals.

When she'd stowed what little kit she had to her satisfaction and looked up again, Richard and Kahlan were still standing where she'd last seen them, heads bowed towards each other and hands clasped, still wearing the soppiest looks on their faces that she'd ever had the misfortunate to see.

She rolled her eyes, not caring if Zedd caught it.

"We need to leave now if we're actually going to make the nearest village by nightfall," she called out. Richard and Kahlan didn't jump apart, the way they might have done once - they drifted apart, all lingering touches and shy smiles, fingers sliding away from each other as though they couldn't bear to part even for a second.

Cara rolled her eyes again.

"What's the hurry?" Richard asked, still smiling softly, his gaze slowly but inexorably drawn back to Kahlan. "Now that the Keeper's finally defeated, we don't have to rush anywhere."

"Until the next time a shadrin attacks," Cara said, not bothering to hide her impatience. "Or an errant wizard gets up to mischief, or a child falls over and scrapes its knee. **Some**of us would like to sleep in a proper bed tonight, Seeker."

Richard and Kahlan shared another glance, but this time it was amused rather than dreamy and irritating. At least that was an improvement, even if it was at her expense. "All right, Cara," Richard finally said, and she scowled; he wasn't exactly subtle about the fact that he was humouring her. "We'll set off now. You'll have your bed tonight."

She snorted, swinging her rucksack over her shoulder. "Not just me," she retorted. She retained enough of a presence of mind to lower her voice slightly before adding, "And with any luck I won't be the only one doing some having tonight."

She hadn't lowered it enough not to be overhead, not that it concerned her much. Zedd let out a loud cough beside her. When she glanced over, he was swallowing down another laugh, half-choking on it, his eyes bright with mirth. She rolled her eyes at him, too, slowing her stride just in case the old fool really **was**choking.

He wasn't, of course - had he been, he'd have milked it much harder. Instead, he stepped closer to her, letting his hand settle heavily on the back of her neck. She didn't shrug it off. He shook her gently, his long, gangly frame leaning in so that he, at least, wouldn't be overheard by Richard and Kahlan.

"That's one way of dealing with it," he chortled. She rolled her eyes again, still resisting the urge to push him away. "And who knows? Perhaps, I'll actually end up with a great grandchild or two.

"Although..." He trailed off and the look he gave her now was even more amused, enough so that she narrowed her eyes at him in sudden suspicion.

She wasn't going to ask. She wasn't, no matter what the wizard thought and no matter how long he waited her out. Although, who knew Zedd could be this patient?

"Although?"

When the question finally left her lips, it was ungracious, but Zedd's beaming smile only widened.

"I think that given I'm such an old man and - as you've already pointed out to me more than once - I'm prone to snoring, perhaps you should have the room next to Richard and Kahlan, hmm? I wouldn't want to disturb them."

The sly, sneaky, old fox. Well, two could play at this game, and Mord-Sith never played fair.

She shrugged, stepping away from him. "Fine," she said brazenly. "I'll have the room next to them, and you can have the room next to mine. I'm sure you won't mind the noise."

His steps faltered.

"Noise?"

She let her lip curl victoriously, enjoying the look of dismay that was slowly growing on Zedd's face. "I'm feeling a little... antsy, myself," she said. "With Richard's quest now concluded, I don't see why I should restrain myself any longer. It's not as though it's going to interfere with anything. And Mord-Sith don't take their pleasure quietly."

And that, she figured as she finally shook his hand off and strode away from him, served Zedd right. One way or another, she'd see to it that they'd all end up screwed tonight.

The End


End file.
